CULTURE
The Way Out of Psychic Numbing
“The Oakland fire happened basically right in my backyard,” my friend and co-doctorate-student Helena told me as we were waiting for class to begin. “And while it was so horrible,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “I haven’t really felt anything about it. Maybe I would if I knew the people who were inside.…
Surviving the Trumpocalypse: Thoughts from an Immigrant Therapist
I watched the inauguration of Barak Obama in 2009 from my living room in Cape Town, South Africa. In my memory it is daytime, and the late afternoon sunshine is coming in through the glass sliding doors. There is a seven-hour time difference between Cape Town and Washington – Cape Town is ahead. My ex-patriot…
Group Therapy: The Magic of Coming Together
My new therapy group for women began on November 9th, 2016—the day after the election. In retrospect, it was risky. I truly thought that, on that Wednesday evening, this group of eight powerful and curious women would be gathering to celebrate the election of the first female president of the United States. That’s not what…
Dear Trump Supporter Who Called Me a Cunt
This is what I know this morning, Post coffee, Pre wine, There is nothing like waking up to a private message from some guy you’ve never met, never had a one-night stand with, and whose profile picture is a cartoon version of himself. He felt the need to tell me IN ALL CAPS that I…
Stronger Together: The Search for Ground and Truth in the Aftermath of the Election
I have felt many sickening emotions since discovering that Donald Trump will be the next president of the United States: namely, shock, denial, despair, terror, panic, disgust, heartbreak, overwhelm. As Tuesday night unfolded, in addition to the above, I began to feel utterly alone. Awakening to the images of state after state turning red, voting…
How Abusers Get Away with It
Most psychotherapists work with people who have been abused, either recently or long ago. Some work with the abusers themselves, through court mandated treatment or, extremely rarely, because an abuser has has self-referred and is committed to their own recovery. In both instances, one cornerstone of therapist training is recognizing how abusers are able to…
I Voted for Trump: A Few Words on the Psychology of Splitting
I am a biracial, vagina-toting, west-coast, liberal-leaning psychotherapist. I am also Trump. I consumed him on social media. I gave him a decent amount of space in my mind. I grew excited – viscerally – when he shocked me. I cast my vote for him. Stop reading. Take a moment. Breathe. How you feelin’? Here’s…
Why Did White Women Vote for Trump?
Oh god it happened. It happened and women like me, white women, made it happen. Within my liberal bubble, I keep using the phrase “I don’t understand.” I don’t understand how more than half of the white women in this country could have cast their vote for someone who makes the world less safe for…
Today is World Day of Listening
Why not give someone in your life your full, listening attention for a few moments today? You might just change their world.
National Coming Out Day
What do we define as inclusion if allies are not a part of our community?
An Open Letter to Donald Trump from a Trauma Survivor and Trauma Therapist
Dear Mr. Trump: Your comments on Monday morning in response to a veteran’s question about mental health treatment at a Retired American Warriors PAC implied that only veterans who are not “strong” and “can’t handle it” develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Yes, I read the transcript of your entire answer and saw the clip; yes, I…
Adulting as a Woman in the Bay Area: Turning 30 (and What to Do About it)
My 30th birthday, a little over a decade ago, was a mess. Drug-addled, depressed, and lonely in the city, turning 30 in San Francisco was a turning point. A few years of therapy, tons of yoga, and a hefty dose of self-compassion, and I was back on track. Why is this period—especially for women—so difficult?…