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Rebel Roots: A Three-Step Experiment When Hair Goes Gray

Dear Reader,

This is a story about hair, our cultural, and gender legacies. Hair. It matters. We, as a species, have a long tradition with hair, adorning its fragility as beautiful and sacred. Adornment is encoded within our DNA, down to the granular cells of our primitive lineages. Its texture, length, and color identifies us, as individuals, and segregates us into tribes, and also into caste systems. Hair is the faithful witness.

So, what happens when hair goes gray? To its core, hair reflects aliveness and sensuality. When the elemental forces of this are threatened, it’s a tough transition. We are in a complicated relationship with hair. Early in childhood, we are given complex cultural messages to corral its innate exuberance.  Hair, in its natural state, reminds us we are primitive beings. There’s a deep sensitivity about hair, requiring an attentiveness. It simply refuses to be ignored.

We all have something to say, stories to share, questions to ask when faced with the unconscious, formidable nature of hair, especially when it does the unexpected by insisting on its wildness, returning to its natural state, to its very roots. Limiting beliefs begin to emerge, evoking the haunting presence of the inner critic. Listen more closely. Beneath this grumbling voice, you will sense a deeper wiser-self inviting you to reenvision something new, to update old beliefs, and embody a fuller authentic self.

The parallel movements of hair and self-image require readjustments. So, if you are in the question, and coming to terms with gray hair, here’s the invitation: how to reenvision the agony, and the audacity of going gray?

Ginas image on going greyThe Agony:

Gray marks us, like chalk on a blackboard. It’s the color of fog, the practicality of a sweater in winter, the hardness of metal and steel. It’s the infusion of shock and worry weaving through the nervous system, revealed in the unapologetic gray root.

There’s fear in going-turning-being-gray. We want to retain the ephemeral vibrant characteristics of roses in bloom, and overcome the perennial not so luscious qualities of a succulent, despite its amazing abilities to survive harsh conditions, and thrive. The earthly beauty of the succulent is ever present, natural, and easy. A rose? A rose is sexier, softer, and more feminine.

Managing self-judgment, and cultural expectations are tricky mazes to navigate, requiring continuous personal energy. There’s an imperative to maintain your vibrant sensual familiar self. No death of the psychological sense of self here! The unknown territory of yet another stage of life is often met with refusal. There can be a weariness, stepping over another threshold into self-transformation. We hang onto the doorframe, caught in between. The reconciliation of being in suspension begins, as the subtle embrace of the next step awaits.
Sparker hat for grey hair article
The Audacity:

Audacity is rebellion: the bold expressions aimed at warding off the engines of control. It’s rediscovering your quirky connection to being fully alive.  A counterculture is surfacing, and collective forces are gathering. At the helm stands a warrior. Many women, independently, are waging their personal grassroots revolution, declaring, “We can make gray beautiful.” I say women, here, in this very specific fight against social expectations that women are to appear forever youthful. It’s like coming out of the proverbial closet, saying “I’m gray.”

Embracing your own roots of rebellion, and facing the dark side of unconscious fears, and efforts to guard against the procession towards the inevitable of more gray, and the unnamed fears, hiding cleverly in the shadows, of being more succulent than rose, is the changing reflection of a former rosier self. It’s startling to be an unwilling participant in embracing the audacity of gray roots. It takes time to go rogue, to be sans hair color. I glance, seeing the silver glint of my gray hair, framing my face, and streaking the hair along my crown, like lenticular cloud formations as if drawn by the light above.

As the deep questioning continues, there is a beckoning for a way through. Here’s an offering to support your quest with finding your way to continued self-discovery

 

A Three Step Experiment based on Mindfulness

There are many choices, and voices, with one voice more distinguished from others: yours. The only way through is to let go of the doorframe, step over the threshold, and explore what’s on the other side. There are many ways to arrive, and you’ll be waiting there.

  1. Invite Self Awareness: Welcome yourself: gather the inner, and outer pieces of your mind, body, and spirit. Take a few deep breaths, quieting your mind. In the inner stillness, sense your wiser-self…
    2. Follow the Unfolding Experience: Rediscover your beauty: in your mind’s eye, capture the inner light of your changing reflection, and envision your audacious Self stepping forward into becoming…
    3. Stay Present: Love that reflection: embrace the you who sees with new eyes, opening to deeper compassion, and possibility…

The longing to fully embody the warrior spirit is a rite of passage, marked by venturing forth into the gray unknown. As the outlines of your former self adopts an updated version of who you are becoming imagine a different sort of presence taking shape. Facing the light of an expanded sense of self, and updated beliefs bring in hope. Gracious transitions are attainable. This belief invites radical inclusion and a redefinition in embracing each of life’s stages.

[bctt tweet=”The warrior spirit is a rite of passage, marked by venturing forth into the gray unknown.”]

And, on the other side of the threshold, others will also be waiting here.

Gina Nobuko Ramos

Gina Nobuko Ramos

Gina works with individuals, couples, and young adults, using an integrative model of psychotherapy and the inclusion of diversity. She also supervises Marriage and Family trainees and interns, who are receiving their psychotherapy training from the Center for Somatic Psychotherapy.

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