Posts Tagged ‘Self Care’
How a Therapist Handles Her Inner Critic
When I was a younger adult, I had a scathing inner critic. It caused me all kinds of problems, which I handled in various maladaptive (read self-destructive) ways. That harsh internal voice mostly riddled me with anxiety which was so uncomfortable I looked for different ways to avoid feeling it–like partying, often with people I…
Social Comparison: How Do I Stack Up?
Living in San Francisco in 2016 is enough to make the most well-adjusted individual grapple with inadequacy. If you look around, you are likely to see many highly educated, successful, productive and intelligent people. These folks seem to have it all: money, fitness and health, attractiveness, successful careers, loving relationships, well-behaved children, and time to…
What the Hell is Self-Love Anyway?
Chances are you’ve heard about this magical thing called self-love and have been trying to get some. Self-love is supposed to give us all good stuff: the confidence to set boundaries at work, the motivation to find our life’s purpose, the ability to feel fulfilled and happy alone, and the guts to give our Mr.…
On Orlando, Queer Sanctuaries, and What You Can Do
It’s been 72 hours since I read the first post about Orlando. Like many others, I have been cycling through numbness, sadness, anger, and anxiety. As a gay man and a therapist, I am struggling with what to do with all of this for myself and how I can support my clients as they make…
Self-Care Part 2: Finding a Refuge for Your Inner Child
In my previous article, I talked about nurturing the self as you would a child. This isn’t to say that you would infantilize yourself, but to actually treat yourself with the kindness and respect. In my work with adult survivors of trauma, many people, when introduced to this concept often explain that they were never…
Live Abundantly: Three Ways an Abundance Jar Can Change Your Financial Health
Money is ubiquitous, and it’s also something we rarely talk about. Yet who hasn’t struggled with money in some way? Whether it is not having enough, having enough and then not, or struggling and then having more than enough, money plays an important role in our lives. But it also effects our emotional well being. While…
Self-compassion just might save your life
I had an experience recently which re-affirmed for me that self-compassion is probably the most powerful tool I have. Some might wonder how that could be true. While more people are becoming aware of the importance of self-compassion in mental health and well-being, it still runs counter to the values of the prevailing mainstream culture…
Statements of Self: searching for “true self”
It’s a funny thing that you know you’re doing good work in therapy when your language gets really simple, almost childish. Which is ironic, because studying to be a therapist means you have to learn a lot of pretentious jargon. Therapists go to conferences and, depending on what style of therapy we practice, we talk about…
Self-compassion in five words
Self-compassion is at the heart of my personal and professional life, and when people ask me how it got there, I usually say that it was through my meditation practice. It’s true that sitting for years on a consistent basis (when I’m tired, anxious, joyful, frustrated and everything else) showed me a lot about the…
Energy theft: toxic forms of shame and guilt
[Democracy is coming] From the homicidal bitchin’/That goes down in every kitchen/To determine who will serve and who will eat. —Leonard Cohen, “Democracy” Sarah, 27, who is about to finish graduate school with a PhD in engineering, hates to call her mother…and does so, dutifully, and with dread, every week. Saturday mornings come with…
On choosing a psychotherapist (part 2 of 3)
In Part 1 of this series, I reviewed some of the various licenses and certifications that psychotherapists hold, as well as some of the similarities and differences between them; in Part 2, I will offer some ideas to consider when choosing a psychotherapist. A world of information We live in the information era. The World…
On “Being There” Or Being “Worthily Unbalanced”
Moms aren’t supposed to get angry or bored. We’re supposed to cherish every minute with our kids, we’re supposed to be patient, sunny, and flexible, but most of all, be there. “You were always there for me, Mom” is the ultimate good-mom talisman, the movie line that chokes us up. Its vagueness connects with its…