Posts Tagged ‘Vulnerability’
Stronger Together: The Search for Ground and Truth in the Aftermath of the Election
I have felt many sickening emotions since discovering that Donald Trump will be the next president of the United States: namely, shock, denial, despair, terror, panic, disgust, heartbreak, overwhelm. As Tuesday night unfolded, in addition to the above, I began to feel utterly alone. Awakening to the images of state after state turning red, voting…
Ask for Help!
On this, the eve of the most horrifying presidential election in my lifetime, I would like to take this opportunity to admit that I cheated my way through my Civics class in High School. I took those classes by “correspondence.” In that age this meant you received a textbook in the mail, and you mailed…
Living and Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder
“One minute everything’s great, and the next minute she’s calling me fifty times in a row and leaving me these long messages about how badly I treat her.” “He makes me feel so awful about myself. He twists around what I say and makes me seem like such a horrible person. I can’t tell right-side-up…
How a Therapist Handles Her Inner Critic
When I was a younger adult, I had a scathing inner critic. It caused me all kinds of problems, which I handled in various maladaptive (read self-destructive) ways. That harsh internal voice mostly riddled me with anxiety which was so uncomfortable I looked for different ways to avoid feeling it–like partying, often with people I…
Why is it So Hard to Receive Support?
Letting others in is an ongoing process. As a therapist, I offer support for a living—yet taking in care from others is another story. I remember the a-ha moment when I first understood the reciprocal nature of support. Several years ago I attended a powerful community-based grief ritual. At the start of the intimate weekend,…
An Open Letter to Donald Trump from a Trauma Survivor and Trauma Therapist
Dear Mr. Trump: Your comments on Monday morning in response to a veteran’s question about mental health treatment at a Retired American Warriors PAC implied that only veterans who are not “strong” and “can’t handle it” develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Yes, I read the transcript of your entire answer and saw the clip; yes, I…
Social Comparison: How Do I Stack Up?
Living in San Francisco in 2016 is enough to make the most well-adjusted individual grapple with inadequacy. If you look around, you are likely to see many highly educated, successful, productive and intelligent people. These folks seem to have it all: money, fitness and health, attractiveness, successful careers, loving relationships, well-behaved children, and time to…
Speak! (Even if your voice shakes)
“Wow,” the pastor of my former church said, looking over the coffeeshop counter at me. Jessica had stopped into the Peet’s where I worked on her day off. She was wearing her usual hiking boots in the middle of the city, with her unruly hair that she was letting turn fully gray after years of dying…
Stepping Into My Shadow: Halloween as Therapy
“Hold on, man. We don’t go anywhere with ‘scary,’ ‘spooky,’ ‘haunted,’ or ‘forbidden’ in the title.” – Shaggy Rogers (Scooby-Doo) It wasn’t until recently that I realized why I love Halloween so much. I don’t really feel excitement over candy or overwhelming crowds. Yet the theatrical has always had a magnetic pull on me, and…
Sharing the Shame
Mortified: connecting with others to find relief from shame When I was 15, I wrote some pretty silly things in my diary (because I was 15). When I was 17, I went back through those entries and edited them, leaving critical comments about my intelligence and maturity as a 15 year old. Actually, a big chunk…
Don Draper falling forever: false advertising and the search for authenticity
Arguably the best TV drama of the last decade begins each week with a silhouette of a man in a perfect suit falling in slow motion from a skyscraper, through a boundless field of perfect ads for the perfect life. Mad Men centers on a very troubled yet relatable man who hides his real identity…
Self-compassion in five words
Self-compassion is at the heart of my personal and professional life, and when people ask me how it got there, I usually say that it was through my meditation practice. It’s true that sitting for years on a consistent basis (when I’m tired, anxious, joyful, frustrated and everything else) showed me a lot about the…