Posts by Ali Miller
#tbt Pee When You Have to Pee: The Benefits of Self-Compassion
“In September of 2013 Ali Miller wrote an article that I am “throwing it back to” because if anything captures the subtle ways we miss out on self compassion then not going to the bathroom when clearly our body needs to captures it all. And I do this all the time – I wait to…
Pee When You Have to Pee: The Benefits of Self-Compassion
“In some ways, the path of learning how to be loving and kind to ourselves is a lifelong, never-ending journey. For those of us who are very skilled at being hard on ourselves, it can take a lot of effort to transform our relationship with ourselves from one dominated by an inner critic to…
Ho Ho Hum: Coping with Sadness During the Holiday Season
For many people, the holidays trigger a deep longing for a sense of harmonious family connection, as well as for community and belonging. While some people are lucky enough to have these needs met, for many of us, loss, conflict, isolation, and alienation are more in the foreground of our experience. A lot of the…
When Life Sucks: Buddhism, NVC, and Mourning
“…NVC’s focus on empowerment and meeting needs can sometimes lead one to believe that if one’s needs are not met, there’s something “wrong.” NVC, as I understand it, is not about getting all of our needs met all the time; it is about acknowledging our needs as often as possible and choosing how we want…
Would You Be Willing to Read My Blog?: The Power of Requests
“…if I don’t share the need, the conversation doesn’t get to the heart of the matter as deeply, and if I want to have an interaction where I feel empowered and connected to the other person, I’ve got to make requests. Requests are a way to step into dialogue. They keep the conversation moving, as…
What Actually Happened?: Differentiating Between Observations and Evaluations
As human beings it seems we’re very uncomfortable being in the “don’t know why” space, and we are very quick to make meaning out of everything. Sadly, it often seems we’d rather believe a negative story than hang out in the not-knowing space. Do you recognize this habit in yourself? Noticing the stories we tell…
Everybody’s Needs Matter: Moving Beyond Right and Wrong with Nonviolent Communication
I have a quiz for you. I’m going to give you a scenario, and you choose which of the four answers below it are true. Patrick and Juan are a couple who live together. Patrick, an avid cyclist, likes to go to bed early, so he can wake up early and go for a bike…
“She’s so rude!”: Transforming Judgments with Nonviolent Communication
Judgments are painful because they separate us. And yet most of us are so habituated to this pattern of separation that we hardly even realize we’re doing it. Instead, we just think we’re right. Rather than realizing, “Oh, I’m having a judgment that this woman is rude,” it’s very easy to believe that the woman…
“Hear me!”: Some Thoughts on Listening and the Longing to be Heard
Here’s what I think: There is a serious lack of listening going on in our world. Would you agree? I’m pretty confident that if humans were listening more, we wouldn’t still be using bombs and guns to try to solve our conflicts. I’m pretty sure that if we were listening more, we wouldn’t be spending…
Beyond Feelings: Getting Started With Nonviolent Communication
If you are interested in living a more meaningful, authentic, and connected life the teachings of psychologist and international peacemaker, Marshall Rosenberg, are for you! Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is used in a wide range of situations—from mediating conflicts between Israelis and Palestinians, to helping couples work through disagreements and increase intimacy, to personal growth/inner healing…