Posts Tagged ‘Vulnerability’
“Do You Like Me?” and Other Questions You Want Your Therapist to Answer
Julie interrupts herself mid-thought, rolls her eyes and sighs. “You must be so sick of hearing me complain about the same thing every week.” She keeps her gaze up at the ceiling, afraid to look at me to receive my answer. This question is designed to elicit an, “of course not!” reply from friends, family,…
Adventures in Internalized Prejudice
A few months ago, I went to a signing and Q&A at my local comic book store. As soon as I entered the store I saw him, but I pretended that I didn’t. He sat in a power wheelchair, and was talking with friends who stood around him. Maybe he had cerebral palsy? I felt…
Give Love, Get Love: 7 Things I’ve Learned About Love Since My Divorce
Call me crazy, but I’m getting married again. It’s been almost 10 years since my divorce. Reflecting on the relationships of those years I can see that I’ve been through different phases: dating for a confidence boost (while being totally unavailable); trying to ‘keep it light’ (while being invested enough to get hurt); being in…
When We Mock Trump’s Hands, What do People with Disabilities Hear?
It’s times like these that, as guilty as I feel saying it, I’m glad I have normal, nice hands. I went to the Women’s March, looking for support for myself, just as much as to stand with women against Trump. And at first, I felt the love in the crowd. I felt safer, empowered, and…
Convey Hope for Children in Challenging Political Times
As parents and those who work with or care for children, we can agree that children should not be exposed to all adult conversations. Most adults try not to swear in front of kids or discuss parenting topics that could alarm or cause misunderstanding. The developing brain is not cognitively mature. Therefore, kids cannot understand…
Romance Hangover
Romance Hangover – When the things you thought would get you in the mood actually left you feeling sluggish, irritable, and generally disappointed. Oh, and mildly ashamed. Welcome to the day after Valentine’s Day! Seriously, why is it so hard to create satisfying romantic moments on demand? Consider how we developed our early ideas of…
Is Your Therapist Too Nice?
“I’ve met the greatest girl,” John said. He was beaming. “She’s really hot. She’s 27, super smart. This weekend I’m chartering a yacht for us! Isn’t that awesome?” I just looked at him. This was his third “greatest girl” in six months. Each was 20-plus years younger than him—and all three were following quickly on…
The Way Out of Intellectualization
Lately, I’m finding lots of calm, rational, heady conversations stretching along my newsfeed. “I feel that Black Lives Matter makes an error in judgment when they….” “The Women’s March really doesn’t account for….” “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate here….” These are almost always white people, almost entirely male. They represent a common psychic defense:…
The Gifts of Disillusion
None of us can know when the rapid and forceful shifts of disillusion will enter our life. Many in our country are going through a sudden disillusionment since the election, realizing troubling realities. As a couple’s therapist I witness the disillusionment of a newly broken heart, sitting with a couple as one turns to the other…
Surviving the Season: Dealing with Grief During the Holidays
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Or are you cringing? The holidays are upon us and along with the shopping, singing carols, and drinking eggnog often come feelings of loneliness and grief. For many people the holiday season is fraught with anxiety, frustration and sadness. I see many in my practice who dread December as…
Group Therapy: The Magic of Coming Together
My new therapy group for women began on November 9th, 2016—the day after the election. In retrospect, it was risky. I truly thought that, on that Wednesday evening, this group of eight powerful and curious women would be gathering to celebrate the election of the first female president of the United States. That’s not what…
Dear Trump Supporter Who Called Me a Cunt
This is what I know this morning, Post coffee, Pre wine, There is nothing like waking up to a private message from some guy you’ve never met, never had a one-night stand with, and whose profile picture is a cartoon version of himself. He felt the need to tell me IN ALL CAPS that I…