Posts Tagged ‘Trauma’
Bigger and Bigger and Always Black
I’m married to a BIG black man. Some might say he is larger than life. His ear-to-ear smile brightens every room. His BIG laugh is hilarious and makes others break into chuckles even if they didn’t hear the joke. His BIG shoulders (although very annoying on an airplane) have held many, many heads. And his…
The Way Out of Intellectualization
Lately, I’m finding lots of calm, rational, heady conversations stretching along my newsfeed. “I feel that Black Lives Matter makes an error in judgment when they….” “The Women’s March really doesn’t account for….” “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate here….” These are almost always white people, almost entirely male. They represent a common psychic defense:…
The Gifts of Disillusion
None of us can know when the rapid and forceful shifts of disillusion will enter our life. Many in our country are going through a sudden disillusionment since the election, realizing troubling realities. As a couple’s therapist I witness the disillusionment of a newly broken heart, sitting with a couple as one turns to the other…
You’re Not White… And Other Reasons Black People Don’t Go to Therapy
I was in my kitchen a few months ago deep in conversation with family and friends about the challenges and fears of parenting college students. We talked about drugs and alcohol, social issues, and the job market. And then we started to talk about mental health, and how anxiety and depression are truly public health…
EMDR and the Hero’s Journey, Part 3
Click here to view Part 1 of this series. Click here to view Part 2 of this series. Once dismissed as a fringe, new age-y therapy, EMDR therapy is now more likely to be described using phrases like cutting edge and essential in the treatment of trauma-related disorders. Since 2010, EMDR therapy has appeared…
EMDR and the Hero’s Journey, Part 2: The EMDR Origin Story
“A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself” ― Joseph Campbell Click to view Part 1 of this series. In our troubled world when we feel scared and uncertain, each of us longs for a hero: someone who will usher in positive change, who will help us…
EMDR Therapy and the Hero’s Journey, Part 1
There are moments in life when we truly feel like the hero of our own story; a moment that captures our essence; a moment that allows us to stand center stage and bask in adulation; a moment that feels simply “perfect.” And then, there are all those other moments, hours, days, months and even years…
The Way Out of Psychic Numbing
“The Oakland fire happened basically right in my backyard,” my friend and co-doctorate-student Helena told me as we were waiting for class to begin. “And while it was so horrible,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, “I haven’t really felt anything about it. Maybe I would if I knew the people who were inside.…
Working While Outraged
It’s only been two weeks, y’all. For me, at this point, the intensity of my own outrage is in conflict with my rationalization that we’re in a very long game. To be honest, it’s draining. Even though I’m talking about the Trumpocalypse (and yes, assuming that most readers here share my political leanings), “outrage” may…
Dear Trump Supporter Who Called Me a Cunt
This is what I know this morning, Post coffee, Pre wine, There is nothing like waking up to a private message from some guy you’ve never met, never had a one-night stand with, and whose profile picture is a cartoon version of himself. He felt the need to tell me IN ALL CAPS that I…
Living and Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder
“One minute everything’s great, and the next minute she’s calling me fifty times in a row and leaving me these long messages about how badly I treat her.” “He makes me feel so awful about myself. He twists around what I say and makes me seem like such a horrible person. I can’t tell right-side-up…
The Trauma of the Bisexual Experience
We bisexuals are used to receiving messages—explicit and implicit—from the world surrounding us. Some classics? There’s no such thing as bisexuality. You’re just confused and trying to sort things out. You’ll have sex with anyone to get what you want. You have the privilege of getting to “pass.” All of these messages can install damaging…