Posts Tagged ‘Shame’
“Do You Like Me?” and Other Questions You Want Your Therapist to Answer
Julie interrupts herself mid-thought, rolls her eyes and sighs. “You must be so sick of hearing me complain about the same thing every week.” She keeps her gaze up at the ceiling, afraid to look at me to receive my answer. This question is designed to elicit an, “of course not!” reply from friends, family,…
Adventures in Internalized Prejudice
A few months ago, I went to a signing and Q&A at my local comic book store. As soon as I entered the store I saw him, but I pretended that I didn’t. He sat in a power wheelchair, and was talking with friends who stood around him. Maybe he had cerebral palsy? I felt…
When We Mock Trump’s Hands, What do People with Disabilities Hear?
It’s times like these that, as guilty as I feel saying it, I’m glad I have normal, nice hands. I went to the Women’s March, looking for support for myself, just as much as to stand with women against Trump. And at first, I felt the love in the crowd. I felt safer, empowered, and…
Is Your Therapist Too Nice?
“I’ve met the greatest girl,” John said. He was beaming. “She’s really hot. She’s 27, super smart. This weekend I’m chartering a yacht for us! Isn’t that awesome?” I just looked at him. This was his third “greatest girl” in six months. Each was 20-plus years younger than him—and all three were following quickly on…
The Gifts of Disillusion
None of us can know when the rapid and forceful shifts of disillusion will enter our life. Many in our country are going through a sudden disillusionment since the election, realizing troubling realities. As a couple’s therapist I witness the disillusionment of a newly broken heart, sitting with a couple as one turns to the other…
When It Always Has to be Your Way, No One Wants to Play: Using Proverbs to Teach Children
As any parent, educator or child counselor can tell you, children enjoy short, catchy and true phrases. However, in the heat of an emotional moment, it is hard to retrieve what we want to say. So, we often “do” before thinking. In addition to learning academics at school these days, children are taught relationship…
Teens, Addiction, and Suicide: Facts and Tips for Helping Addicted Youth
When my cousin entered high school last year, she had a tough time adjusting. She’s always been somewhat reserved, and that made her an easy target for bullies. She didn’t tell her family what was going on, and instead fell into a new crowd of friends that she spent all of her time with. Drinking…
Dear Trump Supporter Who Called Me a Cunt
This is what I know this morning, Post coffee, Pre wine, There is nothing like waking up to a private message from some guy you’ve never met, never had a one-night stand with, and whose profile picture is a cartoon version of himself. He felt the need to tell me IN ALL CAPS that I…
Living and Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder
“One minute everything’s great, and the next minute she’s calling me fifty times in a row and leaving me these long messages about how badly I treat her.” “He makes me feel so awful about myself. He twists around what I say and makes me seem like such a horrible person. I can’t tell right-side-up…
How a Therapist Handles Her Inner Critic
When I was a younger adult, I had a scathing inner critic. It caused me all kinds of problems, which I handled in various maladaptive (read self-destructive) ways. That harsh internal voice mostly riddled me with anxiety which was so uncomfortable I looked for different ways to avoid feeling it–like partying, often with people I…
The Dark Side of Motherhood: It Does Get Better
When I was pregnant with my son, I was was incredibly anxious during the entire pregnancy. I had miscarried before and was so worried that my heart would be broken again that I was on constant alert. I felt that if he was born, I would do everything in my power be a good mother.…
An Open Letter to Donald Trump from a Trauma Survivor and Trauma Therapist
Dear Mr. Trump: Your comments on Monday morning in response to a veteran’s question about mental health treatment at a Retired American Warriors PAC implied that only veterans who are not “strong” and “can’t handle it” develop post-traumatic stress disorder. Yes, I read the transcript of your entire answer and saw the clip; yes, I…