Posts by Jenny Kepler
Don’t Quit Therapy Without Telling Your Therapist The Truth
The fleeting look of disappointment on B’s face told me everything I needed to know. “It’s okay. You have a lot of clients,” she said quickly, minimizing my error and implying that her story was not worthy of remembering. B had trusted me, taken risks with me, and I let her down. Now she could…
How a Therapist Handles Her Inner Critic
When I was a younger adult, I had a scathing inner critic. It caused me all kinds of problems, which I handled in various maladaptive (read self-destructive) ways. That harsh internal voice mostly riddled me with anxiety which was so uncomfortable I looked for different ways to avoid feeling it–like partying, often with people I…
Back to School: Mom Friendships on the Schoolyard
There’s so much comfort and relief that comes with the crisp whispers of fall as we ease back into routine: knowing what’s on the family agenda everyday; and that old friend, solitude, who’s been on vacation these last three months. But getting back into the swing of school means getting back into the social scene…
The Trouble With Gratitude-Hacks
In an age of life hacks and workarounds, therapists are increasingly asked for quick fixes to the issues that bring people into therapy. Who doesn’t want a quick fix for the crud that makes us feel bad? Of course folks want some psych-hacks that will make seemingly simple goals faster and easier – we have…
Growing Up (Together)’s a Bitch
A couple sat in my office recently, struggling with an issue that was beginning to feel familiar. They were both missing the olden days where they felt more in love and excited about each other, before kids came along and changed everything. Having to learn how to relate to each other anew had been driving…
What if She Turns Out Like Me? Braving Toxic Anxiety as a New Mom
It can be very hard to see our own suffering as gifts. I will cut right to the chase. I wish with all my heart it were different, but I have found in my work with mothers that many use the suffering they’ve faced as the foundation for self-criticism and hatred. For some, it becomes…
HOW TO GIVE A TIME-OUT: GIVE A TIME-IN INSTEAD
Think about how you feel when you’ve had a bad day and you snap at your partner. What helps you get back on track? Being shunned, or loving understanding? Kids are the same, and need even much more loving connection than adults do because they have not yet developed the skills to stay self-regulated all the time.
Feeling the Pull: Dealing with Competing Needs for Happier Days with Your Kids
As fall approaches in the Bay Area, we never know what weather will come. Which is why, on a day as hot as this one was recently, a poor Gelato Scooper was scooping alone when there should have been two of him; and the line was stretched out the door. I’m sure his arm was aching,…
Encouraging Discipline – Discipline that Helps Kids Grow
Left to my own devices, I am terribly afraid of making a mistake. Also, of getting it wrong, not knowing, and having to ask any question. A free-floating fear of punishment used to guide much of my decision-making. In fact, it took a lot of therapy for me to learn to keep those kinds of fears…
Discouraging encouragement: the kind of praise that doesn’t help
As I was ignoring my children and zoning-out on the old Facebook for a time recently, I found myself considering a post from the Conscious Discipline feed. Conscious Discipline is all about attuning to our kids and bringing them up – can you guess? – consciously. It’s a wonderful resource for parents, for teachers and…