Posts Tagged ‘Emotional Health’
Let Sex Bring You Closer
Would it surprise you to know that as a Sex Therapist I see fewer clients who are selfish lovers and many more that are too selfless? And by that I mean that they are paying attention to a heck of a lot of things, but not so much to themselves. For most of us, when…
Adventures in Internalized Prejudice
A few months ago, I went to a signing and Q&A at my local comic book store. As soon as I entered the store I saw him, but I pretended that I didn’t. He sat in a power wheelchair, and was talking with friends who stood around him. Maybe he had cerebral palsy? I felt…
You Really Screwed Up AND You Are Lovable
I teach listening and value empathy. A lot. As Carl Rogers says, “[Empathy] just feels damn good.” (If you need a primer on empathy, here is a video that makes it fun and easy to learn about.) I want every human to experience as much good listening and empathy as possible because it is the…
Couples Therapy: A Tale of Two Stories
Couples often come into therapy with quite different views of what the problems are. And this is part of the problem. Maybe even the whole problem. At the simplest level this can be a function of each person seeing the other as the cause of their relationship distress. “She has no empathy for me.” “He’s…
The Way Out of Intellectualization
Lately, I’m finding lots of calm, rational, heady conversations stretching along my newsfeed. “I feel that Black Lives Matter makes an error in judgment when they….” “The Women’s March really doesn’t account for….” “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate here….” These are almost always white people, almost entirely male. They represent a common psychic defense:…
After the Women’s March, What Do the Men Do Now?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about men. Not just the out-of-work, “forgotten”, rust belt men who voted for Donald Trump, but also about the smart, progressive 18-year-old son of a friend of mine, who confides in his mother that it’s hard to hear so much about how much white men have screwed everything up. I’m angry…
Humanity Needs Empathy Now More Than Ever
What would the world look like without empathy? In a recent LA Times piece, Yale psychologist Paul Bloom opined that empathy is an overrated emotion, one that leads us into all manner of irrational choices and that ultimately leads to burnout. The capacity to put ourselves in each other’s shoes, he argues, is nothing more…
You’re Not White… And Other Reasons Black People Don’t Go to Therapy
I was in my kitchen a few months ago deep in conversation with family and friends about the challenges and fears of parenting college students. We talked about drugs and alcohol, social issues, and the job market. And then we started to talk about mental health, and how anxiety and depression are truly public health…
Should I or Shouldn’t I? Making Difficult Decisions
Ryan* was up at 3am again, dreading her upcoming trip to visit her family with her boyfriend. He understood her better than any other partner she’d had, the sex was good, they lived together well, but she was often disappointed. They had few common interests, he didn’t add much to the conversation when they got…
Working While Outraged
It’s only been two weeks, y’all. For me, at this point, the intensity of my own outrage is in conflict with my rationalization that we’re in a very long game. To be honest, it’s draining. Even though I’m talking about the Trumpocalypse (and yes, assuming that most readers here share my political leanings), “outrage” may…
Teens, Addiction, and Suicide: Facts and Tips for Helping Addicted Youth
When my cousin entered high school last year, she had a tough time adjusting. She’s always been somewhat reserved, and that made her an easy target for bullies. She didn’t tell her family what was going on, and instead fell into a new crowd of friends that she spent all of her time with. Drinking…
Group Therapy: The Magic of Coming Together
My new therapy group for women began on November 9th, 2016—the day after the election. In retrospect, it was risky. I truly thought that, on that Wednesday evening, this group of eight powerful and curious women would be gathering to celebrate the election of the first female president of the United States. That’s not what…