Posts by Robert Solley

Couples Therapy: A Tale of Two Stories

Couples often come into therapy with quite different views of what the problems are. And this is part of the problem. Maybe even the whole problem. At the simplest level this can be a function of each person seeing the other as the cause of their relationship distress. “She has no empathy for me.” “He’s…

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Tech Overwork Culture is Killing Families

As a psychologist specializing in couples therapy, I get a daily worm’s-eye view of the fallout of the tech work life that has been described in various places. Most recently the New York Times article about the take-no-prisoners approach at Amazon has made a splash. The pain that this overwork culture causes employees is evident, but…

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How Long Will Therapy Take?

It’s not infrequent that when I talk with people new to therapy they ask “How long will therapy take?”  Not an unreasonable question, but almost always an unanswerable one.   Pete Pearson of the Couples Institute gets credit for one of the best analogies I’ve heard, which is that the question “How long will therapy…

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A Couples Therapist watches TV — Parenthood 

Like many others, my wife and I are eagerly looking forward to tonight’s premiere of the new season of Parenthood, though with considerable wistfulness that it’s the final season. With our kids off to college, we forsook our basic cable last year for a streaming box. Not only are we saving nearly $100 a month,…

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“Her” – A Couples Therapist at the Movies

Spoiler alert: this may not be much of a review, and could negatively affect your impression of the movie “Her” if you have not yet seen it. And there are actually some spoilers. This article is probably better read after having seen the movie. or perhaps if you do not plan to see it at…

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Understanding Men – Part 2

  “The male systemizing worldview is consonant with the often true cliché that men try to fix things (problem solving/systemizing) while what women want is empathy.” – Dr. Robert Solley Understanding Men – Part 2 – by Dr. Robert Solley In Part 1 of this two-part article I explained three crucial motivations for the male mind: efficiency,…

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Understanding Men – Part 1

 A Few Bold Statements Men prioritize efficiency. Men enjoy moving objects through space. Men are systemizers.  And Then a Disclaimer Obviously with a title like “Understanding Men,” I’m going to be making some generalizations. So I don’t have to repeat over and over that not all men are this way, that to varying degrees women…

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What Tripping on the Way to the Bathroom Taught Me About Maturity

Signs of maturity: impulse control, the ability to tolerate difficult emotions, sacrifice, perspective/mindsight, responsibility and accountability.   What Tripping on the Way to the Bathroom Taught Me About Maturity by Dr. Robert SolleySeeking the bathroom in the dark, I stumbled over some obstacles in the hallway and banged my elbow against the wall.  Cursing the…

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