Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’
Why I Won’t Work with Poly Relationships
I was 22. It would be years before I would go to graduate school to become a psychotherapist, but I was already playing that role unofficially with friends. It was the middle of the night, and Alexa and I were up late talking. We had gotten to know each other while working as counselors at…
Let Sex Bring You Closer
Would it surprise you to know that as a Sex Therapist I see fewer clients who are selfish lovers and many more that are too selfless? And by that I mean that they are paying attention to a heck of a lot of things, but not so much to themselves. For most of us, when…
“Do You Like Me?” and Other Questions You Want Your Therapist to Answer
Julie interrupts herself mid-thought, rolls her eyes and sighs. “You must be so sick of hearing me complain about the same thing every week.” She keeps her gaze up at the ceiling, afraid to look at me to receive my answer. This question is designed to elicit an, “of course not!” reply from friends, family,…
Give Love, Get Love: 7 Things I’ve Learned About Love Since My Divorce
Call me crazy, but I’m getting married again. It’s been almost 10 years since my divorce. Reflecting on the relationships of those years I can see that I’ve been through different phases: dating for a confidence boost (while being totally unavailable); trying to ‘keep it light’ (while being invested enough to get hurt); being in…
How to Deal with Toxic People
Call me naive, but I tend to assume the best about people. I see the good in most, usually without a lot of effort. Although I come from the “people are inherently good” camp, I’ve had my share of experience with toxic people. What do I mean by that? A toxic person is someone who…
Feminism and Eating Disorder Recovery: Full Women Have Full Feelings
Any woman who chooses to behave like a full human being should be warned that the armies of the status quo will treat her as something of a dirty joke. That’s their natural and first weapon. She will need her sisterhood. –Gloria Steinem Have you ever been afraid of being called “The B word”? I…
Is Your Therapist Too Nice?
“I’ve met the greatest girl,” John said. He was beaming. “She’s really hot. She’s 27, super smart. This weekend I’m chartering a yacht for us! Isn’t that awesome?” I just looked at him. This was his third “greatest girl” in six months. Each was 20-plus years younger than him—and all three were following quickly on…
The Way Out of Intellectualization
Lately, I’m finding lots of calm, rational, heady conversations stretching along my newsfeed. “I feel that Black Lives Matter makes an error in judgment when they….” “The Women’s March really doesn’t account for….” “Let me just play Devil’s Advocate here….” These are almost always white people, almost entirely male. They represent a common psychic defense:…
After the Women’s March, What Do the Men Do Now?
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about men. Not just the out-of-work, “forgotten”, rust belt men who voted for Donald Trump, but also about the smart, progressive 18-year-old son of a friend of mine, who confides in his mother that it’s hard to hear so much about how much white men have screwed everything up. I’m angry…
The Gifts of Disillusion
None of us can know when the rapid and forceful shifts of disillusion will enter our life. Many in our country are going through a sudden disillusionment since the election, realizing troubling realities. As a couple’s therapist I witness the disillusionment of a newly broken heart, sitting with a couple as one turns to the other…
Humanity Needs Empathy Now More Than Ever
What would the world look like without empathy? In a recent LA Times piece, Yale psychologist Paul Bloom opined that empathy is an overrated emotion, one that leads us into all manner of irrational choices and that ultimately leads to burnout. The capacity to put ourselves in each other’s shoes, he argues, is nothing more…
Easier to Give Than to Receive
Experiment here with me for a moment… I want you to imagine someone you love sitting in front of you. Now imagine sending love towards them. How do you send those love vibes out? Do they come through your eyes, from your heart space, from your gut? Does it feel easy to do this? Familiar?…