Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’
Should I or Shouldn’t I? Making Difficult Decisions
Ryan* was up at 3am again, dreading her upcoming trip to visit her family with her boyfriend. He understood her better than any other partner she’d had, the sex was good, they lived together well, but she was often disappointed. They had few common interests, he didn’t add much to the conversation when they got…
Power Play: Kindness in (Literally) Dark Times
These are dark days. The Winter Solstice is still a week away, so the days are literally growing darker. In the Bay Area, much needed rains, the horrific deaths of 36 beautiful souls in the Ghost Ship fire, the impending doom of the imminent president elect, and the ongoing battle for sacred lands at Standing…
Surviving the Season: Dealing with Grief During the Holidays
Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Or are you cringing? The holidays are upon us and along with the shopping, singing carols, and drinking eggnog often come feelings of loneliness and grief. For many people the holiday season is fraught with anxiety, frustration and sadness. I see many in my practice who dread December as…
When It Always Has to be Your Way, No One Wants to Play: Using Proverbs to Teach Children
As any parent, educator or child counselor can tell you, children enjoy short, catchy and true phrases. However, in the heat of an emotional moment, it is hard to retrieve what we want to say. So, we often “do” before thinking. In addition to learning academics at school these days, children are taught relationship…
Stronger Together: The Search for Ground and Truth in the Aftermath of the Election
I have felt many sickening emotions since discovering that Donald Trump will be the next president of the United States: namely, shock, denial, despair, terror, panic, disgust, heartbreak, overwhelm. As Tuesday night unfolded, in addition to the above, I began to feel utterly alone. Awakening to the images of state after state turning red, voting…
Living and Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder
“One minute everything’s great, and the next minute she’s calling me fifty times in a row and leaving me these long messages about how badly I treat her.” “He makes me feel so awful about myself. He twists around what I say and makes me seem like such a horrible person. I can’t tell right-side-up…
Why is it So Hard to Receive Support?
Letting others in is an ongoing process. As a therapist, I offer support for a living—yet taking in care from others is another story. I remember the a-ha moment when I first understood the reciprocal nature of support. Several years ago I attended a powerful community-based grief ritual. At the start of the intimate weekend,…
How To Talk To Other Parents About Conflict Between Children
I am a successful businesswoman. I am a successful entrepreneur. I am a successful psychotherapist. And yet, in talking to other parents about conflict between my children and theirs, I frequently feel like a failure. Why is this such a challenge, and not just for me, but for most parents I speak to? How and…
The Importance of Rupture and Repair
Human relationships are messy. We all enter into our relationships with internal working models of others, histories of relationships, a particular worldview and cultural expectations, and intrapsychic needs. Relationships involve a complex, overdetermined mélange of forces which interact in both powerful and subtle ways. It is inevitable that things would get messy, at least from…
In Praise of Long Distance Relationships
Co-authored by Rajani Venkatraman Levis & Sarah Dardick Let’s face it – living together has long held an elevated status in the relationship hierarchy while long distance relationships (LDRs) have a serious reputation problem. The conventional wisdom about long-distance relationships (LDR’s) usually goes: Distance sucks, not enough sex, people cheat, not enough sex, too many…
Keeping Your Relationship Thriving, Part 1: Up Your Listening Game
How many times have you heard “relationships take effort?” Was this advice offered up smugly, with one of those close-mouthed grins of sympathy? Maybe you nodded furtively in response and vowed to remember date nights no matter how busy you got. Wait, what? Date nights are not the magic elixir. Don’t get me wrong, time…
(Wo)man Versus Ex: Retroactive Jealousy and What to do About it.
Ever seethed with hatred over an ex-girl/boyfriend of your partner? Pilar Delano helps us understand and navigate the rough waters of retroactive jealousy.