Posts by Adam Rodriguez
Do Opposites Attract? Projection in Couples
The couple on the couch seemed confused and frustrated. “I think that you are both caught in an exhausting and frustrating pattern,” I said “Carlos, you rely heavily on your intellect and rationality, and Hrishi is very expressive and comfortable in his emotions. I think that his expressiveness is difficult for you to understand, but…
In Search of Someone Who Will Understand: How to be a Culturally Sensitive Therapist
Two years ago, I saw a posting on a listserv I am a member of requesting a “mid-40’s, transgender female, Taiwanese-American Therapist.” This request was so specific that I had a hard time envisioning how many people could actually respond as an appropriate fit. Requests that are exceedingly demographically specific seem increasingly common to me.…
Rupture and Repair in the Therapeutic Relationship
I’ve said it before: human relationships are messy. Why would your relationship with your therapist be any different? I had just begun my postdoctoral fellowship at a forensic agency, working with individuals mandated to treatment as a requirement of their parole or probation. Many of these individuals had been involved with the justice system since…
The Importance of Rupture and Repair
Human relationships are messy. We all enter into our relationships with internal working models of others, histories of relationships, a particular worldview and cultural expectations, and intrapsychic needs. Relationships involve a complex, overdetermined mélange of forces which interact in both powerful and subtle ways. It is inevitable that things would get messy, at least from…
The Hypocrisy of American “Family Values”
It’s election season. This means that we will likely be inundated with talk about “family values,” which seems to always be a debated issue in American politics. I eventually wind up disappointed that the conversation becomes politicized and simplified, which leads to no change or real discussion. I think about this also because in my…
White Fragility, Guilt, and Unvirtuous Virtue: The Damaging Effects of Power and Privilege, Part III
It is a privilege to get to feel so sensitively about privilege. Facing the music of racism is confronting oneself skillfully – not compensatory sentimentalism.
The Damaging Effects of Power and Privilege, Part II: Internalized Discrimination
“When I look in the mirror, I see a dirty Mexican dyke.” Those words were spoken by “Alejandra,” a professional lesbian Mexican-American woman in her 50s. She is accomplished, successful, intelligent, and charming. Despite these qualities, she lives every day with an intense amount of underlying self-hatred and feelings of worthlessness. In her professional role,…
The Damaging Effects of Power and Privilege, Part I: How Can You Not Like the Beatles?!
A friend of mine is a really, really big Beatles fan. Quite some time ago I reflected to him that I was not familiar with their music. Sure, I could name some of their more popular songs, but when challenged, that list was limited to about seven songs. Astonished and determined to rectify my ignorance…
Eliminating “Negative Emotions”
“Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” – Charles Dickens, Great Expectations “Without evil there can be no good so it must be good to be evil…