Posts Tagged ‘Attachment’
Why I Won’t Work with Poly Relationships
I was 22. It would be years before I would go to graduate school to become a psychotherapist, but I was already playing that role unofficially with friends. It was the middle of the night, and Alexa and I were up late talking. We had gotten to know each other while working as counselors at…
Attachment Theory in the Age of Trump
Recently, the New York Times ran an article entitled, “Yes, It’s Your Parents’ Fault.” The piece presents the main principles of attachment theory. What’s interesting about it is that the writer, Kate Murphy, is summarizing attachment theory for the Times’ readership, and that’s it. The article is a good introduction to the basic facts about…
EMDR Therapy and the Hero’s Journey, Part 1
There are moments in life when we truly feel like the hero of our own story; a moment that captures our essence; a moment that allows us to stand center stage and bask in adulation; a moment that feels simply “perfect.” And then, there are all those other moments, hours, days, months and even years…
Living and Loving with Borderline Personality Disorder
“One minute everything’s great, and the next minute she’s calling me fifty times in a row and leaving me these long messages about how badly I treat her.” “He makes me feel so awful about myself. He twists around what I say and makes me seem like such a horrible person. I can’t tell right-side-up…
From Drones to Phones: Security vs Freedom in Romantic Relationships
I was recently listening to a collaboration broadcast of two of my favorite public radio programs, Radiolab and Note to Self (formerly New Tech City). The episode was called “Eye in the Sky,” and it asks the question: Should police use drone surveillance to solve and prevent crimes? The hosts, experts, and listeners had a…
A Couples Therapist watches TV — Parenthood
Like many others, my wife and I are eagerly looking forward to tonight’s premiere of the new season of Parenthood, though with considerable wistfulness that it’s the final season. With our kids off to college, we forsook our basic cable last year for a streaming box. Not only are we saving nearly $100 a month,…
Encouraging Discipline – Discipline that Helps Kids Grow
Left to my own devices, I am terribly afraid of making a mistake. Also, of getting it wrong, not knowing, and having to ask any question. A free-floating fear of punishment used to guide much of my decision-making. In fact, it took a lot of therapy for me to learn to keep those kinds of fears…
The check-in: an exercise to nurture intimacy and the tolerance of deep connection
In my experience working with couples, it’s not uncommon to find that partners have a considerable difference in their need or tolerance for emotional contact and intimacy. One partner may be more emotionally expressive and generally talkative, while the other may be less emotionally expressive and less comfortable with one-to-one contact with their partner. Contrary…
What are we really fighting about? How to fight the good fight with your spouse.
Recently my beloved and I were at the grocery store, shopping for a dinner party. We have done this before but something about this outing was different. “We already have an onion,” my partner said to me in the produce section, followed up by, “We don’t need that large a chocolate cake—let’s buy the smaller cheesecake…
Communication with Touch in Relationship
Therese Bogan, MFT The lift of an eyebrow or wave of a hand can tell us all we need to know about our partner’s mood. When we see our old friend’s slumped shoulders and feel them land on the booth seat of the old diner, where we share lunch, we understand envy, pride, or disappointment…
Parent, Child & Our Emotional Lives: Finding Our Way Through Relationships
If you’ve ever tended to a child, you know what it’s like to watch someone fall apart and come back together again. A child is flexible; she has a tender heart; she falls in and out of joys and disappointments. She can go into the depths of feeling and return, sense of self and well-being…