Posts Tagged ‘Awareness’
Adventures in Internalized Prejudice
A few months ago, I went to a signing and Q&A at my local comic book store. As soon as I entered the store I saw him, but I pretended that I didn’t. He sat in a power wheelchair, and was talking with friends who stood around him. Maybe he had cerebral palsy? I felt…
Power Play: Kindness in (Literally) Dark Times
These are dark days. The Winter Solstice is still a week away, so the days are literally growing darker. In the Bay Area, much needed rains, the horrific deaths of 36 beautiful souls in the Ghost Ship fire, the impending doom of the imminent president elect, and the ongoing battle for sacred lands at Standing…
Psychotherapy and the Fundamentals of Life
As a young person, I hated math. By the time I made it into 1st grade, I began to sense a connection between those drills, 100 problems in 90 seconds, and my own flimsy mortality. I decided early on that numbers were created for no other purpose than to torture the pure of heart and, thus,…
Understanding Depression: Void vs. Emptiness
Depression is a pretty odd thing, different from other “illnesses,” in that it ranges between very grungy and visceral experiences like fatigue, through problems with sleep and eating, and then into the lofty realms of the meaning of life. Well, I suppose to its credit, at least it’s not boring. Understanding depression calls us to…
Life Transitions, a.k.a., Life
The other day I was killing some time at a trendy coffee shop, enjoying my once-a-day caffeine romance, and I found myself inadvertently eavesdropping on two college freshmen bonding over the unexpected difficulties they were encountering in their new phase of life. Navigating a vast pool of possible topics, one of the women ever so…
Small changes are big changes
One November morning, when I was early in my graduate training to become a therapist, one of my professors stood at the front of the classroom, with his wild hair and even wilder eyes, and said slowly: “I want to talk to you all about something important.” The room fell silent. This man was known…
Stepping Into My Shadow: Halloween as Therapy
“Hold on, man. We don’t go anywhere with ‘scary,’ ‘spooky,’ ‘haunted,’ or ‘forbidden’ in the title.” – Shaggy Rogers (Scooby-Doo) It wasn’t until recently that I realized why I love Halloween so much. I don’t really feel excitement over candy or overwhelming crowds. Yet the theatrical has always had a magnetic pull on me, and…
The “Being” of a “Good” Kisser
There is so much in a kiss: pleasure, intimacy, and connection. The mouth is built to receive and express. The lips, the door way of the mouth, are lined with a high number of nerves, where babies first receive nurturing and also explore their worlds. It is no wonder that kissing is the principal way…
Sharing the Road: how driving keeps us emotionally distant from one another
When I was 14 ½ I signed up for driver’s ed, just barely old enough to take the class. The day I turned 15 I passed my permit test. The week I turned 16 I took my behind-the-wheel test. Anxious to get in the beat-down old hunk of steel my older brother so generously handed…
How to find answers in your feelings
As a therapist, I will tell you a big secret – the most important question I ask is “How did that make you feel?” Yeah—a running joke for we’ve all heard—all you have to do is say that phrase on repeat to be a therapist. But in practice it is the hardest question for most…
Fog and Mood: everyday invitations to deeper feeling
“The weather and my mood have little connection. I have my foggy and my fine days within me; my prosperity or misfortune has little to do with the matter.” —Blaise Pascal “Everything that irritates us about others can lead to an understanding of ourselves.’ —Carl Jung The fog of a mood San Francisco’s foghorns were…
On aggression: seven healthy ways to use your aggressive feelings
Most of us learned that aggression is wrong. We learned to behave politely, to be courteous, agreeable and kind. We learned to anticipate the lenses through which other people see us, and then, to fear their judgments. “What will people think if I say what’s on my mind?” “What will people say if I look…