Who is that Gremlin in my head?

Do you ever wonder if those critical thoughts about yourself, others, your environment, your job, your family are really true? Do you believe those thoughts? Or are you beginning to question just what they are about, perhaps even how those thoughts can be of service to you? Maybe even who they might belong to besides you? For example, many critical self and other thoughts can sound suspiciously like our parents or teachers or our spouse. I love the image of the gremlin. When I first started looking at these painful, critical thoughts going on inside myself, I saw a book that referred to this gremlin. Being a visual person I could easily picture the green, slimy, perhaps unruly hair, bulging eyed monster. It worked because that visual helped anchor the idea that maybe this voice is not entirely me but just a part. Since then that gremlin (on many days) is just a funny little green guy with lots of opinions.

[bctt tweet=”Many critical self and other thoughts can sound suspiciously like our parents or teachers or our spouse.”]

 Here are 5 ways of sorting out those critical thoughts:

   1. Asking “is it true?”

This one is a lifesaver in itself. Asking this simple question can quiet the gremlin down a good deal. What we are thinking about like opinions, judgments, speculations can be and often are, very compelling. So much so, that even after asking the question a couple of times it still feels pretty true. I know for myself that the sticky process of un-blending with that voice often feels like a losing battle. In that case you can then ask yourself again but with a bit more oomph, “is this absolutely true?”

Chances are that the most honest answer is either “no” or “I don’t know”. Either way, the questions themselves often slow the process.

    2. Turn Right

This is a little gem I like to play with my clients and myself. It’s a simple visual when the critical voice comes in; see it as a flow of words that are tumbling out of you to your left, contained in a mind bubble. Take your time here. See it clearly. Again, pay special attention to critical words since those are at the root of all the rest of the Gremlin speak: judgments, evaluations etc. Especially watch assumptions because they are quick to come through and can be sneaky. The truth is we can never really know another persons motivations unless we ask them directly.

Ok, here is where it gets interesting.

Now, turn your attention to the right. Notice what might be there. What words or phrases do you see? Think the opposite of the left, for example: “I don’t really know why he said what he did. I just know that it hurt” or “I need to take care of myself here.” Even notice how the gremlin might try and pull you back to the left but stay the coarse. Its important to keep in mind here that this critical voice, in an attempt to keep you from disappointment or shame, will not allow you to feel good about what you’ve accomplished. [bctt tweet=”Our inner critic is often afraid that if you feel good, someone will take that feeling away from you.”]

Ok, fill that right side with imagery and phrases that feel pleasant and settling. Think resources here. Even in the thick of an inner critic slam when it’s the hardest to muster, there are always resources to pull from and picture. Here are just a few I use for myself: objects of beauty, animals, soft things, trees, one good friend, one growing friendship, art, movies, a good read. The list is as endless as the imagination.

    3. Presence

There’s nothing quite like “getting here”; it can be and most often is the ultimate antidote to Gremlin speak. Here’s why: a big chunk of all that chatter is in future and past imaginings (in other words, that Gremlin survives on stories that we can no longer impact or anticipate) When we can tap into this moment, even if its just a moment, at the very least, we can attend to what is needed.

    4. Who Is Talking?

Identifying those negative, critical voices is sometimes the least fun part of this process, but like all hard stuff we do, it’s worth it. It starts with paying attention to our experience. Using the steps I’ve mentioned already will be very helpful here. These steps build on each other to create a sharper focus of attention and awareness.

Lets use an example of I.D.ing whose talking.

You are going about your day working, having interactions and experiences when you notice that something inside of you just feels weird. A closer look reveals a sense of unease that usually has a voice that matches it such as, “wow, you really blew it. If you had just said this or that___whats wrong with you? Why can’t you ever get it right?” Or, “What a jerk. He really should make more of an effort.” Often this sort of dialog can go on for quite some time before we catch it but the idea is to catch it sooner or later. Like the steps above, now we practice the fine art of asking ourselves “who’s talking here?” Think authority figures; people who you looked up to as a kid, people whose opinions of you were important. In considering where this critical voice comes from, try and keep in mind that the critic’s original function is to spare us shame and pain. Once we get a sense where the words really originate, notice how that feels right in the moment if you can or quickly write it down to jog your memory later. An important caveat here: this is not about blaming the source, that would just be more gremlin speak right? Caveat #2: its much easier and certainly more interesting to do this practice with someone you trust; a friend, therapist or mentor could be useful here.

    5. Curiosity

One of the basic tenets of critical thoughts, whether towards ourselves or towards others, is the near complete lack of curiosity. That little (or big) gremlin simply cannot survive in the face of an open mind.

Try this: the next time you notice the cycle starting, find a statement that works for you. I like “yep, there it is again” or “turning right now”.

Whether you are new to working with your inner critic or a seasoned pro its important to remember that it is a process, a practice that is rewarding and even fun when approached with awareness, kindness towards yourself and a sense of humor.