Paradigm Shift – Thriving On Our Fullness

Author: Tom Rhodes, MFT

It feels safe to say that the vast majority of us have been indoctrinated into many paradigms through which we see the world, including our very selves. Some of these paradigms serve us, and some not so much. I have become starkly aware of a paradigm that not only has not been serving, but that I would say even has been preventing full and true thriving in many ways. This is the paradigm of ‘If I have this/that/the other, I will finally be able to do things that will make me be/feel the way I want to’. We can call it ‘Have-Do-Be’ for short. I have recently been reminded of, and been shifting my perspective into, turning this paradigm upside down, into ‘Be-Do-Have’. I’m moved to share it here because I’ve been truly enjoying the fruits of this newfound, utterly non-laborious labor.

If I finally let myself be what I already am, this fullness of being, this feeling that I imagine will come from having the perfect job/partner/car/whatever, then I will ‘do’ or take inspired action from that place in myself, and thus have what it is I’ve been seeking and yearning for. This would be the long version of the above-mentioned paradigm of ‘Be-Do-Have’. Rather than navigating the world from a place of lack and not having or being enough, the invitation here is to tap into that place in ourselves that is ALREADY full and quintessentially satisfied, or overflowing with suchness. There is something magical that seems to happen when we dive into ourselves and let ourselves feel what it would be like to have the fruit of our labor already. What state is it that we are chasing if, for example, we take a few minutes to vision the nuanced little details of how it would feel to earn that amount of money that we’ve been telling ourselves, “If only I could earn that, I would feel ________. How would that feel? Or whatever your version of that is, how would that feel?! Let yourself really go on that ride, and finally give yourself the experience of getting in touch with that now. Write it down after you let yourself explore every nook and cranny of the bodily experience of being, feeling _______.

For myself, I’ve been doing this work in the context of ‘the optimal work-week six months from now, in building my practice and case-load as a psychotherapist. This has been really juicy, powerful work. It brings up both all of the self-limiting beliefs that get in the way of letting ourselves receive what we want, from the alchemy of ALREADY being and feeling what it is we think HAVING it will GIVE to us. What would it be like to embody now, and regularly conjure up and nourish yourself with the essential quality or flavor of being that you’ve previously been believing you could only get if you first get the prize? I’m moved to share that, for me, the quality of being I have from feeling into the result of the optimal work week is ‘a streaming, pulsing, quiet joy’. I am also feeling this RIGHT NOW as I write this. The bonus is, anchoring in and living this is the very magnet that leads you to start DOING what can lead to HAVING whatever it is your heart’s desire is. What is that for YOU?

If you would like to pursue this inner work in a structured, supportive way, I would refer you to the following website, www.evolutionarywealth.org

Tom Rhodes

Tom Rhodes is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in the Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco. He specializes in working with people who suffer from anxiety or whose very identity is being called into question by the current circumstances of their life.