Treyvon Martin or Miley Cyrus: The Psychology of Denial

The deadline for this article was fast approaching and I found myself bereft of ideas. Bewildered, I searched the TMZ headlines for some story – any story – that could be ripe for pop psychoanalytic scrutiny:

What might Renee Zellweger’s astonishing new look say about the state of women in society today? What does Chris Brown’s string of tragic break-ups reveal about the human psyche? Miley Cyrus and Patrick Schwarzenegger – are they driving the party bus or is the party bus driving them?!

Despite my need for a topic and my encroaching deadline, nothing stuck!

The Black Friday craze? BOE-RING.

Surviving your marriage during holiday stress? Yawn.

The psychological ramifications of Figgy pudding?! Been there, done that.

UGH!

In my desperation, I put out a Face Book plea, begging my community for writing ideas. The first response I received threw me into a tumult. An insightful colleague of mine, Tori Branch, said simply, “Seems a very ripe time to say something psychologically meaningful about racism, the broken US justice system, and/or police brutality. Use your pen power to wake folks up!”

I stood up abruptly from my seat and poured a deliciously hearty dose of brandy and Coconut Nog and retired to read my novel by the heater. I found myself imagining that, perhaps I could, just this once, make up an excuse as to why I could not fulfill my deadline… just this once.

Fortunately, or un, the seed had already been planted. I became irritatingly aware that all of my energetic efforts to act Act ACT by devouring topics that were shallow, yet filled with dramatic conclusions, were all in efforts to avoid my own anxiety and overwhelm resulting from the ever-present ethnic and racial tensions that have been brought to a head by the two white police officers who were not indicted for the murders of unarmed African-American men.

This, my friends, is called a manic defense and we Americans are huge fans of this particular mode of avoiding painful realities. Manic defenses (not to be confused with a manic episode) come into play when our psychic resources are overloaded by the mismatch between what we see and feel based on what is happening in the world around us, and the lack of response given by those in our immediate environment.

As a Halfrican-American woman living in balmy San Francisco, it’s difficult to reconcile what I see around me – fashionably hip, mostly white, peers eagerly going about their personal and professional lives with a spring in their steps – and that which I see on the news – one cop, and then another and then another using deadly force on unarmed men and boys of color, receiving nary a slap on the wrist by our judicial system.

For those of you who can find comfort in a monolithic racial identification such as “White” or “Black,” you may find yourself engaged in the defense known as splitting – that is, placing the white cops in the position of being “bad people” or gently telling yourself that the men who were killed were stand-ins for “those people” who blatantly disregard the law and (though you hesitate to voice this aloud in public) perhaps deserved what they got.

Or, as one of my white family members said during my recent trip home for Thanksgiving, “What’s Ferguson?”

And then there are the Halfricans – like me! Those of us who are caught in the middle, who cannot demonize “those Whites” or “those Blacks” because those we love, those we are, happen to be “those whites and those blacks” all mixed together.

Our manic defenses, a frenzied, slightly hysteric feeling of action, occur when two parts of our selves feel like they cannot co-exist in one mind and body. For me, this occurred as I struggled to understand something of what has happened between Michael Brown and Darren Wilson. The internal conflict can also be more benign, like when my brain short circuits because my beloved cat has just shat delicately on my bedspread. I love my cat, but I am also now hating my cat all in one overwhelming internal clusterf*ck.

In large ways and small, we are often confronted with realities – love for my cat’s cute little face and hatred for my cat and his terrible shit – that don’t seem to line up. It is easier for our minds think about Kim Kardashian’s adorable pregnancy bump than Treyvon Martin’s blood-soaked hoody.

This manic frenzy, however, leaves us caught in a cycle of endless busyness where nothing actually gets done. If you notice yourself feeling overburdened, stressed out and constantly running without getting anywhere, it’s highly likely that there is something happening – in your romantic relationship, within your professional life or in the society at large that is causing your brain to spin out, desperately attempting to avoid something that feels to painful to bear.

As this holiday season hits its stride, pay attention to your tendency to speed up, take on tasks and overcommit yourself. If you find it hard to slow down, to take notice of what’s happening inside of you or in the world around you, it may be time to find a therapist who can help you identify and give voice to the conflicting parts within you that are causing you to rush into a delirious avoidance of reality.

The hope? If all goes well, you will find ways to incorporate all aspects of your experience, from your delight in Brendan Jordan’s appearance in a recent American Apparel ad to your rage at the militarization of our police forces, all in one article – er, I mean, all into an integrated and enlivened sense of self.