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Why Telling Your Inner Critic to F*** Off Isn’t Always Enough
Inner Critic (n): internal voice that judges you Examples: “You’re selfish.” “You’re a terrible friend.” “You’re a fraud.” You are probably quite familiar with your inner critic, but if you’re not, the best way to identify its presence is to notice when you feel bad about yourself. If you feel bad, you can be…
How to Make Friends as an Adult
If you’re over 25 you’ve probably found yourself thinking you could use a few new friends. Maybe you’re feeling unsure about how to make friends as an adult. Whether you’re starting over in a new city, married and looking for couples camping buddies, or slowly outgrowing your couch surfing bros, there’s little guidance on how…
We are Legion: Using Internal Family Systems (IFS) in Therapy
When I was a young man working in Paris I was walking home late one summer evening after a sweet dinner with friends. The weather was warm. I walked in that proud way we walk sometimes when we’re dressed a bit more formally. I wandered under the Eiffel Tower, crossed the Seine and headed up…
Keeping Your Relationship Thriving, Part 1: Up Your Listening Game
How many times have you heard “relationships take effort?” Was this advice offered up smugly, with one of those close-mouthed grins of sympathy? Maybe you nodded furtively in response and vowed to remember date nights no matter how busy you got. Wait, what? Date nights are not the magic elixir. Don’t get me wrong, time…
Love and Anger: How to Talk Effectively About Controversial Topics
Love has been on my mind. Not the kind that couples cling to around a warm fire, but the Lenny-Kravitz-love-ethic of letting love rule in our discourse around controversial topics such as racial justice, poverty, the environment and terrorism. I know that I, the woman who wrote an article titled “F*&K Positive Thinking” and a…
Everybody’s Needs Matter: Moving Beyond Right and Wrong with Nonviolent Communication
I have a quiz for you. I’m going to give you a scenario, and you choose which of the four answers below it are true. Patrick and Juan are a couple who live together. Patrick, an avid cyclist, likes to go to bed early, so he can wake up early and go for a bike…
“Hear me!”: Some Thoughts on Listening and the Longing to be Heard
Here’s what I think: There is a serious lack of listening going on in our world. Would you agree? I’m pretty confident that if humans were listening more, we wouldn’t still be using bombs and guns to try to solve our conflicts. I’m pretty sure that if we were listening more, we wouldn’t be spending…
Beyond Feelings: Getting Started With Nonviolent Communication
If you are interested in living a more meaningful, authentic, and connected life the teachings of psychologist and international peacemaker, Marshall Rosenberg, are for you! Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is used in a wide range of situations—from mediating conflicts between Israelis and Palestinians, to helping couples work through disagreements and increase intimacy, to personal growth/inner healing…