Posts by Elizabeth Sullivan
Laws for in-laws: why trouble in these relationships hurts, and what to do about it
“We were having lunch with my in-laws the other day and out of the blue my mother-in-law said, ‘I’ve decided I want to be cremated.’ I said, ‘Alright, get your coat.’” -D. Spivey Our culture has a lot of deeply hostile (and very funny) jokes about mother-in-laws—a sure sign that something important is going on underneath. Freud’s…
Mental health matters — May is mental health awareness month 2014
May is mental health awareness month 2014, and we are teaming up with other mental health groups and advocacy organizations to raise awareness and banish stigma around mental health issues of all kinds. Good Therapy is one blogging partner and a fantastic resource for finding referrals to local therapists and other readings on mental health topics.…
PMS and Relationships
Last year I gave a talk on PMS and nobody came. I was surprised when I looked out at the empty room because so many of the women I see in therapy suffer from PMS. Whether they come in to deal with anxiety, anger, depression, grief, a break-up or any number of combinations, they also…
Winning Your Procrastination Games
Procrastination abounds. As an editor, I get to see a fair share. As a writer I am painfully and personally familiar with the state of overwhelmed anxiety that writers are in when they email me the night before the deadline saying, “I’m having trouble thinking of a topic.” I don’t think there is any cure…
On “Being There” Or Being “Worthily Unbalanced”
Moms aren’t supposed to get angry or bored. We’re supposed to cherish every minute with our kids, we’re supposed to be patient, sunny, and flexible, but most of all, be there. “You were always there for me, Mom” is the ultimate good-mom talisman, the movie line that chokes us up. Its vagueness connects with its…
Envy and the Corporate Shuttle Debate
The big white bus rolls into the Muni stop across the street from my apartment building every day. Some days I hardly notice it, other days, possibly when I am struggling (work stress, sleepiness, logistics, kids) I feel something else: envy and irritation. Sleek, protected, luxurious—the corporate shuttle bus looks delicious, and I am on…
Clandestine Passions
This title sounds like a trashy romance novel, but it comes from a line of poetry I particularly love. Louise Gluck, in “Rainy Morning” (from the book “Meadowlands”): “We can all write about suffering/with our eyes closed. You should show people/more of yourself; show them your clandestine/passion for red meat.” A passion for red…
Anxiety & Joy
“Joy comes upon us when we are vulnerable and actually open to life. When we are caught off guard and blown-open, or when we suddenly perceive the whole meaning of everything for a bright minute of pleasure and meaning. I think adding in a practice of being open to joy, of seeking a felt sense…
Learning From People Who Don’t Get Better
“For those of us who are sometimes heartbroken, hopeless, discouraged, failing, ashamed (and so I mean all of humanity) I think it really matters that we know there is no guaranteed happy ending and that our lives require will and effort to get better. When we put ourselves back together and try again we…
The Desire Line: Going Where the Client Is Going
“Part of the early work of therapy is figuring out how to truly begin. It’s the client’s second decision to start therapy, after the first one (which is calling and showing up in the office). And this process of observing and following the client’s interest makes me think of the desire line.” – Elizabeth Sullivan…
Mood Indigo, Mood Sunshine: The Many Moods of Everyday Life
“…many Americans feel that being upbeat and positive everyday all day is a normal state of being. And that this leads to lasting happiness–a kind of shoving away of all things labelled “negative”. I’d like to suggest, at the risk of sounding cliched, that a healthier way to think about moods is that they are…
Poetry and Therapy
“Poetry has a way of helping poets and readers of poetry make meaning of their experience, and this helps us gain perspective, wisdom and clarity so we can move forward more freely, less encumbered by what Robert Bly calls the long invisible bag of the unconscious we drag behind us” Elizabeth Sullivan This week my…