THE SH&T HAS HIT THE FAN
The Mourning After, Part II: Grieving a Disturbed or Absent Mother’s Death
When your mother dies before you have a chance to heal from the wounds of childhood, it feels far from a short-lived and surmountable bereavement. You can feel sucked into a depression that seems endless and repeating, and hard to shake. In every new relationship or opportunity, there always seems to be something missing. You…
On Orlando, Queer Sanctuaries, and What You Can Do
It’s been 72 hours since I read the first post about Orlando. Like many others, I have been cycling through numbness, sadness, anger, and anxiety. As a gay man and a therapist, I am struggling with what to do with all of this for myself and how I can support my clients as they make…
You Will Be OK.
“My grandma said, ‘Nothing real can be threatened.’” — Beyonce, Lemonade I can hold a lengthy process for my clients, but in my own life, I’m impatient. Always have been. As a Sagittarius-Dragon-INFJ-Enneagram 4, I’m a hardcore truth-seeker, wired for the long game. And I do love plumbing our individual and collective psychological depths—but at…
The Mourning After, Part I: Grief after Mother’s Day
If you’ve read any of my previous writing, you will know I have a great reverence for the unconscious. It shows up again today, having accidentally chosen May 9, 2016, as my publication date – the day after Mother’s Day. This may seem on the surface to have all the depth of a Hallmark card,…
Everyone Has A Donald Trump Living Inside of Them
Have you seen the latest fast reel of Trump stereotypes and the things he says about women and rally protesters? Ooph. It kills me. Republican or Democrat, Left or Right, it is pretty alarming for women or anyone who believes in nonviolence to watch that real. This election season, more than any other, I have…
Your Brain on Threat: How Expectations and Demands Can Booby-Trap Your Relationship
Let’s say your brain has two modes: Threat Mode, and Friendly (or normal) Mode (I’m oversimplifying here, but actually, it’s not that far off). Let’s call them TM and FM for short. In FM, you can plan, organize, maintain perspective, problem-solve creatively, and express yourself in ways that don’t alienate other people. TM is what…
Depression and Faith
I surely would have been dead from depression years ago if I hadn’t had, and eventually cultivated, a basic faith in life. Which is a bit odd, since I grew up without any religious training or interest, to the degree that my mother called us “happy heathens.” Even my decades of Buddhist training and study…
If it’s Good for Me, Why Can’t I Do it? Why Self-Help Books are Not so Helpful
When I was growing up, a common message, whether implicit or explicit, was “just pick yourself up and keep going.” I remember thinking at the time, what am I meant to do here? I need help but it looks like I should be able to do it alone. Confusing right? These sorts of messages that…
A Hater’s Guide To New Year’s Resolutions (a.k.a. Self-improvement through self-acceptance)
Shame is not usually the best motivator to change. Self acceptance is the magic elixir of change.
When Feelings Take Us Over
First off, I think Tom wrote about such an important topic in his last article on introversion. Check it out if you haven’t yet. Our culture seems to split off good and bad and right now extroversion is celebrated and we fail to deeply value the power of introversion. There is power in introversion…who knew!…